Not everyone understands the term ‘limits’ when it comes to relationships with other people. There are those who think that limits are not necessary when it comes to healthy relationships, but when clear limits are not established, those relationships that seemed healthy at first can almost magically turn into toxic relationships that you think you can’t. escape.

In the literal sense of the word, a boundary is a dividing line that separates one area from another. Although a boundary can be clearly marked on the physical terrain as it is on the ground, it is never entirely clear exactly where one area ends and the other begins. Similarly, when we use word boundaries to describe boundaries and rules in relationships, honest judgment is needed to decide which behaviors “cross the line.”

Herein lies the difficulty that people with or without addictions and their loved ones have with relationship limits.

Lack of boundaries in relationships

Simply put, boundaries are limits that mark what is acceptable and what is not in a relationship. That is, what is accepted and what is not accepted in a relationship between two people. Boundaries are very individual, but people with addictions and those close to them often have trouble setting and maintaining boundaries in relationships.  Some common areas of difficulty for limits and addictions are:

• • Smoking in the presence of another person, with children nearby, at home or at other people’s homes.

• • Alcohol consumption (if it is acceptable or not in a relationship, for example).

• • What types of behavior are acceptable for each partner, particularly when the addicted partner is under the influence, as people who are drunk or high may inadvertently engage in embarrassing behaviors.

• • Pressuring another person to drink or use drugs.

• • Pressuring another person to perform behaviors or actions that they really do not want to do.

• • Defining when someone crosses that line can be emotionally expressive to verbal or emotionally abusive.

• • Discussing intimacy issues with others outside the relationship without the permission of the person who confessed their intimacies to you.

• Using someone as an alibi to cover up wrongdoing, such as infidelity or addictions.

Addictions don’t create healthy relationships

Addictions do not create healthy relationships, it can even endanger the physical and mental health of people who may have any type of addiction. Sometimes addictions often raise issues of legality that need to be addressed by people in relation to the addict. Some common areas where limits should be set are:

• • Do not drive under the influence of substances

• • Do ot allow another to ask you to save drugs to cover up

• Use you to cover up illegal activities

The importance of setting good boundaries

The following general principles can be applied to establish good limits:

• • Smoking, drinking, and using drugs is offensive to many people and is much more uncomfortable. Be careful when exposing other people to these behaviors.

• • Children are very vulnerable to the influence of adults, even without encouragement, they can be influenced simply by observing what an adult does. Stop your toxic or addictive behaviors (like smoking) in front of children and younger people.

• • Never involve another person in your illegal activities.

• • Never touch another person with unwanted sexual or aggressive intent while under the influence (or not under the influence) of alcohol or drugs.

• Listen carefully to others when they inform you about your behavior, it may be that instead of being pleasant, as you think, it is unpleasant and even ridiculous (especially if you drink alcohol or take drugs).