There are those who confuse unconditional love with dependent love. Emotional dependency is not the same as building a relationship that has to do with unconditional love. But it is necessary to understand this term to know how to protect a relationship without deteriorating it due to bad relational habits.
The idea of unconditional love in relationships is noble. All people want to be loved unconditionally, good accept as we are, without conditions … and that we ourselves also be able to love in this way. But in reality, this type of love is difficult and even impossible if you consider exactly what it is.
Real meaning of unconditional love
Part of the problem with unconditional love in relationships is a lack of understanding of what it means. Most of us will think that a parent’s love for a child, or a child’s love for a parent, is unconditional love. This type of love does not depend on anything other than the family bond and is not broken based on what the child or the parent does, at least in an ideal scenario.
In the purest sense, unconditional love is about caring about someone else’s happiness without caring about how it benefits you. The parts of the brain that are activated during unconditional love are similar to those of romantic love and maternal love, they are related to the reward system of the brain. This suggests that unconditional love can be rewarding without receiving anything in return.
Romantic and unconditional love
The question here is whether adults in relationships can also have unconditional love for their partner. To feel secure in a relationship partner people may require another show who will not abandon you to the first of change. That is, the other person is unconditionally committed to the relationship no matter what the future holds.
In reality, today, relationships break down very easily and sometimes for good reasons. As much as you think you love an alcoholic person, a liar or an unfaithful person, being around these types of people is not healthy for you. This means that the definition of unconditional love in romantic relationships needs to have some variables. For love to continue, there must be mutual respect, not an attitude from your partner of the type: ‘you will put up with me, whatever I do’. This attitude is toxic.
Is there something positive?
Unconditional positive regard is the closest thing to unconditional love in relationships that you can have in your life. In this sense, unconditional love doesn’t mean always giving people what they want or always accepting what they do, at the expense of your own needs.
It is a mature type of love that means treating the other person with love and respect, even while maintaining your limits and protecting yourself. While the immature version of unconditional love makes you feel that you should be everything to the other person, the mature version makes you recognize that your only obligation, in the face of the other’s behavior, is to communicate your message with love and respect … with empathy and assertiveness.
How can you love unconditionally
When you think about loving someone unconditionally in a romantic relationship, you have to keep these points in mind:
– Practice open communication to be able to communicate correctly.
– Communicate in a non-offensive way. Express your feelings while listening and taking into account your partner’s feelings.
– Do not let the little annoyances in your life cancel your love. Unconditional love means looking beyond disputes over the little things in life. If you have a love commitment that is bigger than those things, you will have staying power.
– Share the power in your relationship. Neither person should get everything they want as this will provoke resentment from the other partner. There must be balance.
A relationship that does not have unconditional love … will rarely be successful.