Nobody told you that something like this would happen, nobody warned you of what it is like to live with a person who has become an alcoholic. You have had to learn this in a bad way and you feel very bad about it, because after all, your partner is chosen by you … Actually, you are not to blame for anything and you should take care of your emotional health if your partner is alcoholic. You need yourself strong to be able to overcome the psychological imbalance that creates you.
Unfortunately, you can only change yourself, and the only way you can interrupt and change the current course of your interactions with people with substance use disorders is by changing your reactions. Living with someone who is an alcoholic can affect you deeply. Many times, frustration and stress can be caused by your own actions and choices.
By adjusting your approach and attitude toward the problem, you can change your perspective and how it affects you. In a way, knowing that you can change your approach and attitude is empowering. Next we are going to tell you some things that you have to stop doing in order to be better even if you live with an alcoholic person.
Stop blaming yourself
It is typical for alcoholics to try to blame their addiction on the people around them, including those closest to them. It is common to hear an alcoholic say, “The only reason I drink is because you …” Don’t make the mistake of believing these words. If an alcoholic is, it is by his own choice and you have nothing to do with it.
If your partner wants to continue drinking, they will do so no matter what you say or do. It is not your fault, that person has become dependent on alcohol and needs psychologist help to be able to overcome it.
Don’t take it personally
When alcoholics promise never to drink again, but soon after will drink as much as ever, it is easy for family members to take broken promises and lies personally. They may feel frustration and mistrust.
You may think that if he really loved you he would not lie to you, but if you do it is because he knows that it is wrong and he does not want you to judge him. You are not in control of your own decision making and you need psychological attention.
Don’t try to control him
Anyone who loves someone who has an alcohol problem will do everything in their power to try to get them to stop drinking. Unfortunately, this often leaves the alcoholic’s family members lonely and frustrated. You can tell yourself that there is surely something you can do, but the reality is that even alcoholics cannot control their alcohol consumption … in many cases, nothing can be done except trying to make him see the consequences of his addiction in relationships and voluntarily seek medical help.
When an alcoholic or drug addict reaches a critical point, sometimes that is the moment when the person finally admits they have a problem and begins to seek help. But if friends or family rush in and “rescue” the person from the crisis situation, it can delay the decision to get help. Sometimes a person having a crisis may be the only way for them to realize that they need a change.
Intentar ‘to cure’ them
Alcoholism or dependence on alcohol (or other substances) is a primary, chronic and progressive disease that can sometimes be fatal. If you are not a doctor (and even if you are) you should not assume the responsibility of treating your alcoholic partner (or friends or family who have this same problem). You are not a trained addiction or substance abuse professional and if you are, you cannot treat close people either.
If you really want a person who needs professional treatment, you must allow him to have it so he can get healthy again. That is the alcoholic’s responsibility, not yours. You cannot cure a disease. No matter what your source is, you need outside help. Alcoholics generally go through a few stages before they are ready to make a change. Until an alcoholic begins to think about stopping drinking, whatever action you take to “help” him or her often won’t do much good.
Don’t accept unacceptable behavior
Accepting unacceptable behavior usually starts with a small incident, but the next time, the behavior may get a little worse and then get even worse. Little by little you start to accept increasingly unacceptable behavior. Before you know it, you may find yourself in a full-blown abusive relationship. Abuse is never acceptable. You don’t have to accept unacceptable behavior in your life, you will always have other options.
If you have children, it is essential that you protect them from unacceptable behavior . Don’t tolerate hurtful or negative comments directed at children. These comments can create lasting emotional damage on your children’s minds. You must protect them and not hesitate for a second to keep them away from the person who drinks and does not respect the limits. Growing up in a home with a parent who abuses alcohol can leave long-lasting and very painful emotional scars.
Forget unreasonable expectations
One problem with dealing with an alcoholic is that what might seem like a reasonable expectation in some circumstances may be totally unreasonable with an addict. When alcoholics swear to you that they will never drink again, you can naturally expect them to be sincere and not to drink again. But with alcoholics, that expectation is unreasonable. Is it reasonable to expect someone to be honest with you when the person is unable to be honest with themselves?
To look for help?
Not seeking the necessary help or putting this off can be a big problem for both you and your partner. If you’ve never discussed this problem with other people and are silently suffering from your partner’s addiction , now is the time to break those chains. Ask a support group to help you. If your partner does not want help, it is their problem, but you, you should look out for your physical and emotional well-being as soon as possible.