More and more people (although it remains a minority trend) are criticizing monogamous relationships. Every time there are new forms of relationship that are becoming popular, including in this case, polyamory . In reality, polyamory is when you have a sexual and / or emotional relationship with more than one person. For them to be successful there must be certain rules and guidelines where all members of the polyamorous relationship agree.

Polyamory

Polyamorous relationships are intimate relationships that involve more than two people. It is in short, having intimate and loving relationships with multiple people. But there is no hard and fast rule on this, since there are many branches of polyamory and many ways of feeling it.

A polyamorous relationship could include three or more relatively equal partners in an ongoing romantic emotional relationship, either sharing a home or dating. There are also relationships in which one or both spouses have a more informal relationship with a third person. Reflective polyamorous relationships often come with rules and agreements worked out early on so that all parties are compliant at all times.

Polyamory is not an open relationship

Having a polyamorous relationship is not the same as having open relationships. It is also not the same as polygamy. Polyamory is not gender exclusive and requires some emotional commitment between the parties involved.

Every polyamory relationship to be solid will have to have a prior reflection on what you want and what will really make you happy. To help you know if you want to start a polyamorous relationship with more than one person, you will need to ask yourself a few questions and think about it.

How jealous are you doing?

You will have to know if you can control jealousy when your partner is with other people, or attends to others on a sexual or emotional level. You may not be their primary partner and will have to agree to be the secondary partner, if that is the case. For this reason, polyamory is not for everyone.

It’s hard to know how you might feel about your partner having another partner until it happens to you. You can think about how you dealt with similar situations at another time to get an idea of ​​how you might feel about it. If you tend to feel uncomfortable when your partners talk intimately with other people, then polyamory is not for you.

Is it something you both want?

Maybe you have a partner and are interested in polyamory, having your partner as the main relationship but you want to have a secondary relationship. If you want to experience this polyamorous lifestyle, your partner will have to agree as this is key to the success of polyamory. All parties must agree and also enjoy this type of relationship.

If it is the other way around and it is your partner who wants to have this experience and you participate just to not lose him … in the end you will lose him completely because you will suffer a lot. If you are looking for polyamory as a last resort or as a way to prevent your partner from being ‘unfaithful’, these are the main red flags that polyamory is not for you, and neither is your current partner.

What is your motivation for starting a polyamorous relationship?

It could be a positive experience if both you and your partner agree on this. One is important: that you feel limited by monogamy. If both you and your partner feel that the monogamous relationship does not satisfy your needs for closeness and intimacy but at the same time you want to continue being together, it may be a sign that polyamory is a good option for you.

Are you safe in your current relationship?

Starting a polyamorous relationship can be a slippery slope, especially when your relationship is not as strong as you thought it was. To start a polyamorous relationship you need a mature love, a strong relationship from the beginning to be able to cope well with the problems of jealousy and trust. Without this clear, polyamory can never be possible.

You will have to find out how strong your relationship is. Although it is not an exact science, there are some questions you can ask yourself to find out:

-Do you and your partner resolve fights well?

-Can you have enough empathy to understand your partner’s feelings?

-Do you feel safe about your partner’s love and commitment?

It is necessary to bear in mind that if you have answered no to the questions, then polyamory is not a good option for you.

Would you know how to accept the rules established by you?

Polyamorous relationships require a lot more negotiation, so be prepared to discuss new challenges as they arise. Once things get underway, you may be surprised that you are not always on the same line with your partner. You will no longer always be the priority and that must be accepted in advance.

The best way to avoid these potential conflicts is to establish some guidelines with the main partner. Before starting any new relationship, talk through the logistics: What behaviors are okay? Is anyone out of bounds to be a couple? Will you spend time together as a group and get to know each other? Will it be a separate relationship or will it be a joint relationship of three people? Will you have sex together, separately, or is it just emotional?

Even for couples who have embraced the idea of ​​a polyamorous relationship, being able to say openly that you need an afternoon off to be with your lover can be quite uncomfortable and create emotional conflicts. Before having a polyamorous relationship, you need to make a clear list of what are the right and acceptable behaviors and what are not.

It is not known if polyamory will last forever, the rules would have to be revised as the relationship progresses. What matters is that all parties agree, that there are no secrets or lies, that trust and honesty are the most important … And above all, be clear about what is wanted and what is not wanted in the relationships of polyamory. Sometimes polyamorous relationships can be having sex with the main partner and emotional connection with the secondary … or sex with both, or perhaps having two lovers and the main partner … There is no single or predetermined polyamory relationship. 

Elle Mcdonald

I am Elle Mcdonald Specializations in Psychology . Graduated in psychology from the University of Tennessee in 2000. Diploma of Advanced Studies in the Department of Personality, Evaluation and psychological treatments with excellent results.

First Level of Master in Clinical Psychology at the Center for Behavioral Therapists (recognized with a scientific-professional nature by the College of Psychologists)

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