The concept of love is given to us from the first moments of our life , even as children we are told about maternal and paternal love, love for family, friends, loved ones, ourselves, etc. As we grow we learn and internalize this concept, mainly taking as a model the attachment we have with our mother figure, since that is the basis for all future social relationships.

Throughout our lives, society indirectly instills in us an erroneous idea of ​​love , a platonic love, a true love and a movie, which is not close to what really happens in real life. That is why many people become frustrated and establish a problematic behavior in the face of love, that is, they approach it in a toxic way, either for it or for the couple. Examples of this are the need for control that is exercised over the other, the insecurity generated by not knowing what they will be doing, jealousy , etc.

So what is a troubled love relationship?

Understanding all of the above, we can speak of a problematic love as a relationship based on jealousy , insecurity, uncertainty, control, etc ; where you are emotionally dependent on the other. In this type of love, self-esteem is worn down, encouraging the continuation of a wrong relationship loop.

What kinds of troubled love can there be?

Actually, everything that is not healthy or beneficial for both parts of a couple can be considered a problematic love , however psychologists and specialists in this field speak of certain behaviors such as problematic, negative or toxic attitudes in a relationship:

Emotional dependence

It is important to emphasize in this regard that emotional dependence is more than sadness or a fear of losing the person, it is a necessity, when the dependent person feels that they can lose the other, they enter a state of deep sadness, they she feels incomplete and insecure, nullifying herself to gain approval and get signals that she won’t be abandoned.


The jealousy are the result of insecurity, they can be defined as anxiety over the possibility that the couple prefer to be with someone who knows or others that interest you most. That is why the jealous person acts in an irrational, excessive and obsessive way.

Currently, jealousy is becoming more and more frequent, since society through the media, through films that promote an unreal and fictitious love, adolescent books that normalize certain behaviors, songs that favor the acquisition of behaviors little based on equality, etc., imply that said jealousy is a sign of love or affection, signs that the other person cares about their partner, forgetting the importance of trust.

The control

Control could really be classified as a consequence of jealousy, since it is produced by it. It is an obsessive attitude of knowing what your partner does in any circumstance, what triggers: looking at their social networks, their mobile phone, their agenda, even their belongings. In the society in which we live this is more frequent than a few years ago, since thanks to the fact that we expose our entire lives through social networks, it is easier to know and keep track of what people are doing or where they are at all times, what is their circle of friends, what places they usually frequent, etc.

The thought of possession

On many occasions we can also find toxic attitudes in a love relationship, related to the feeling of possession of the couple, that is, one of the parties feels that the other is his, that he belongs to him and that therefore they have certain rights over him. On these occasions, generally, the other person has submissive attitudes, insecurity or fear, which makes the behavior of the other potentiate.

Ongoing discussions

It is important to emphasize that this aspect can encompass all the previous ones, since the discussions can come both due to insecurities of the other or of oneself, jealousy, excessive control or possession beliefs, as well as more insignificant things, such as who takes charge of a certain task or by how the other copes with a certain situation, among many others. We mention this aspect since the discussions continued over time, tend to wear down the couple, leading to breakdown and even more serious attitudes.

Why is it important to know how to detect if we are in a toxic relationship?

Problematic loves, generate, as their name indicates, problems, both at the couple level and at the individual level, so it is important to detect in time if we are in a toxic relationship, whether we are the ones who favor it, or if we are the who suffer it. In the case of us being the promoters of negative behaviors , it is recommended that we go to a specialist or a psychologist, he will not help us find the reason for our way of acting, he will give us guidelines and advice to improve and learn to relate in a healthy way .

In the case of being one of those who receive the toxic attitude , we will advise our partner to go to the psychologist, as well as we will go, since it will help us learn what we should or should not accept in our relationship, it will help us to promote our self-esteem, to overcome insecurities, etc. You can also go to couples therapy . However, in any case, it is advisable to go when the first signs appear or when the first indicators are seen that you are not having a healthy love, since if you wait and the couple is plunged into that negative or broken circle it is more difficult work from zero fears, erroneous beliefs, improving the level of self-esteem, and therefore it is more difficult to give way to ahealthy relationship , based on respect, trust, etc.

Elle Mcdonald

I am Elle Mcdonald Specializations in Psychology . Graduated in psychology from the University of Tennessee in 2000. Diploma of Advanced Studies in the Department of Personality, Evaluation and psychological treatments with excellent results.

First Level of Master in Clinical Psychology at the Center for Behavioral Therapists (recognized with a scientific-professional nature by the College of Psychologists)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *