We all know what failure is. The most technical definition of failure is when a person has an unfavorable or fatal result in a company or business , or when an event ends up being unfortunate and disastrous and that usually happens without waiting for it or even hoping that it ends well, ends badly . Failure is usually associated with discomfort, restlessness, anguish, etc. of the person who suffers it and all of us have experienced it at some point, some more intensely than others.

We all think that failing is something really serious and that it leads us to feel desolate , with discomfort and that our self-esteem falls without remedy. When we set ourselves a goal and it is not achieved, even if the responsibility for failure was not ours, we feel bad , that we have made a mistake, invading us with a feeling of guilt that we cannot remedy .

The fear of failure is also as limiting as failure itself. Being worried about having negative results, thinking that you are not at the desired level, having high expectations or avoiding doing things you want to do for fear of not doing it well leads us to a state of anxiety that invades our mind just as if we had failed Really.

How to deal with failure

The frustration of not being successful accompanies us from a young age and knowing how to deal with it is one of the most important life lessons since if we do not know how to manage it properly it can put us in a situation where feelings of ineffectiveness, complex, lack of motivation to start New projects and enthusiasm to carry them out may lead us to a low personal self-concept and a degraded self-esteem. That is why knowing our mental strength and knowing to what extent we control our reaction to events of loss, of not achieving existence, of not achieving our goals is a more important job than we think.. There are people who know how to manage the disappointment of failure very effectively but there are other people who cannot control it, they are more extreme cases but they can become ill and even fall into depression .

We all want to be successful and in this century it is something that haunts us continually . Therefore, failure or considering yourself a failure can become a stigma. Advertising, movies or series tell us and send messages that succeeding in everything we set out to do is the way to achieve happiness or glory . This is not real, nor is it positive. Succeeding or not failing is not the way to deal with life . Knowing how to better manage our psychological resources in the face of adversity and even happiness is the most appropriate way to achieve vital well-being and security.

Failure is best viewed as a result that is out of expectations and that we can handle to our advantage . Transform our thoughts, our attitudes, modify our verbal and corporal language directing it in a way that favors our life and seeing it as a new opportunity to achieve our goals, dreams or desires. In this way we will manage and face failure with more optimism and with greater strength.

When we value failure more positively and see it as a new opportunity, our motivation and self-esteem change as well . This is where positive thoughts, accompanied by phrases of encouragement , can help us to choose the alternative that makes it easier for us to feel better, that we focus and help us face that failure that seems so insurmountable at that moment, in a situation of personal improvement and manage to see everyday life easier and know that we will solve problems in a more effective and decisive way .

Finding a method that helps us acquire new habits of positive thoughts may not be so easy, but if we manage to move forward with a small cognitive and emotional change every day it will be a big step. Practicing mindfulness or being attentive to what we build in our consciousness is very beneficial to be able to focus our mind and control those thoughts that will help us not only to eliminate the frustration of failure and its anxiety, but to increase our well-being in general. We can also support ourselves with NLP or “neurolinguistic programming” , with which we can express ourselves and think more effectively and obtain better results with our positive thoughts.

The idea is that each person find the phrases or thoughts that help them the most to respond to each situation , accept the vicissitudes and setbacks of life in a more tolerable way and trusting each one in their abilities to be able to change the things that you can change, accept the ones you can’t and have the knowledge to see the difference. We have to transform the phrases into thoughts and incorporate them into our mental desk to use them at the right time . Ultimately, you have to get to make this practice a habit of mind healthy and beneficial for everyday use, as the positive thinking is a mental attitude .

Overcome failure

The most important thing as seen is to make a change in our way of thinking. There are methods and techniques to achieve this and at Bekia Psicología we want to show you some simple phrases to incorporate them into our inner dialogue and help ourselves without feeling overwhelmed.

First, incorporate or enrich our way of expressing positive messages of confidence and encouragement, reflections that serve to strengthen and reinforce the “self” or the self . For example, simple changes like saying “I’m sure of” instead of “I think” or changing “I don’t think I’ll make it” to “of course I’m going to make it.” In the same way, “I have not succeeded, I will be a failure” is a destructive phrase that it would be convenient to avoid and transform, for example, into “even if I have not succeeded, I am satisfied because I have tried”. It is also very convenient to reflect on the reason for failure in a situation, asking us questions such as what happened to end up in this situation, if he really wanted to be successful or to further mature our projects to realize whether or not it was the moment.

There are thoughts that we can apply not only to failure, but also to situations in which anxiety, stress or decay invades us , although it must be borne in mind that in failure these emotions also tend to surface and that is why it is very effective to use these phrases . Here are some examples:

– At the moment I am here but tomorrow I know that I will see things better.

– Everything will be fine, all this will pass.

– Calm down, you will find a way to solve it.

– I have to be calm, I know I can do it, I’m going to get it.

– Give yourself time, a failure is not so bad, I will try to improve.

– Other times I have come out of worse situations well.

– What can I learn from this?

– I’m going to keep control. I can do it, actually I am.

– If I am tense, I will breathe deeply and relax.

– I can keep the tension within manageable limits.

– I have survived situations like this and other things worse.

– If something does not work, I change it and analyze the consequences.

– The most important thing is to have started, I will not give up now!

– I’m going to show myself that I can do it!

– I’m going to do everything I can to improve my emotional state!

– No one who makes an effort is left without reward!

– To sink or get up and fight depends only on me and my effort!

– I’ll get over it and I’ll be fine.

– I will not let negative thoughts invade me.

– I know that I can do more things and do them well.

– I have the tools to deal with this situation.

– I know I can get over it and try again.

– I’ll do it next time.

– I have the strength and courage to overcome this.

– Tomorrow will be another day.

The positive thoughts are autorrefuerzos help us overcome this immediate moment of failure and to overcome it much better . Self-instructions try to provide skills that psychologically strengthen the person when facing commonly debilitating situations such as failure in this case, they direct us to act, think and feel in a much more appropriate way in those situations that normally disturb us . Rational self-instructions modify our perception of hopelessness and disability in such a way that we can face certain situations more effectively, in addition to providing us with resources and a self-concept of competence or self-efficacy. Thisit helps reduce anticipatory fears and create the expectation of success and control , which sustains or encourages our efforts to keep fighting in the midst of difficulties.

Learning and using positive self-instructions on a regular basis will make our mind change and replace the negative perspective that one usually has from failure to a more positive and constructive approach to these situations. Making positive thoughts your own will make facing difficult situations, that make us feel bad or feel disappointed, end up feeling lighter and that they will only last a limited time. The work of changing negative thoughts into positive ones will make our experiences more satisfying, that we enjoy our projects more and have a stronger motivation to achieve our goals without fear of failure. If we fail, we will consider it as a new opportunity to try and we will strengthen our self-esteem, our self-image and our self-efficacy. As Winston Churchill said, ” Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm .” 

Elle Mcdonald

I am Elle Mcdonald Specializations in Psychology . Graduated in psychology from the University of Tennessee in 2000. Diploma of Advanced Studies in the Department of Personality, Evaluation and psychological treatments with excellent results.

First Level of Master in Clinical Psychology at the Center for Behavioral Therapists (recognized with a scientific-professional nature by the College of Psychologists)

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