It is not always easy to detect the signs that a person is a manipulator, much less if it is your partner. The manipulation comes in many different forms, so it is sometimes difficult to recognize. It is even more difficult to accept when the person manipulating it is the person closest to you. What may seem like small problems can accumulate over time and damage your self-esteem, while the “good boyfriend” continues to maintain his false image.

Manipulative people want to be in control all the time. They will twist their words, actions, and thoughts to benefit. But do not be fooled. They know exactly what they are doing. The sooner you detect the signals and cut off contact with this type of person, the better.  But how to detect it?

Never wrong

A manipulator will not admit when they are wrong and when you are right. They can’t accept the truth, so they blame you. This becomes a pattern. The purpose of this is to make you feel guilty to the point where you will be the one to apologize for something you did not do.

For example, you will bring up something he did recently that upset you and he will turn you around by calling you “overdone” when you have every right to talk about how you feel. Instead of taking responsibility for your actions, it makes you believe that everything is in your head. It’s a very classic move from a manipulator and can make you feel insecure and embarrassed – don’t fall for those clutches!

He doesn’t want you to make plans without him

This can often be mistaken for a caring and loving boyfriend when in fact he is using his manipulative tactics to prevent you from doing the things you want to do. He won’t necessarily tell you to cancel plans with your friends , but he will make it clear that he’s not happy about it.  He expects your life to revolve around him and him alone.

Everything is a performance. You have to remember that this is due to his own insecurities and that is why he likes to be in this position where he feels he is in control. This is the kind of behavior that you should never ignore because it will only get worse over time.

Denies the things he said in the past

This is another way the manipulator will make you believe that everything is in your head. He will tell you something and then deny saying it, which can make you doubt yourself. Manipulators want attention, but only when it suits them. When they put themselves in a situation where they are confronted with something, they automatically try to draw attention to you. I might even mention something you said a while ago to deflect the blame.

This tactic is not always as obvious as it sounds. In most cases, you are likely to assume that you misheard something he said or that you blame him for your poor memory skills. After all, he is a “good boyfriend “, so it must be unintentional, right? That’s exactly what he wants you to think because it means he’s in control.

He wants you to feel sorry for him

If there’s one thing this kid does better, it’s play the victim card.  He pretends to be an emotional and caring person, but is only playing the victim role to gain her sympathy and attention. In fact, he always has a sob story that he uses to justify his actions. For example, you had a terrible upbringing , you suffered bullying, you lost your job, you had a bad breakup. There is always a story …

The point is, he never seems to take responsibility for what has happened in his life. He always blames others to make it seem like the world is against him, so you will be on his side. It is a smart tactic that you will use all the time, especially when you need to “redeem” yourself.

He says he forgives you but keeps reminding you

The good boyfriend wants to seem like a forgiving and understanding person, but when he accepts your apology he is happy and it seems that he will never mention it … but nothing is further from the truth. He never forgets it. He saves everything in his head to use against you as soon as he has the opportunity to do so. He will do it to make you feel bad even though in a way that seems like a good person even though he is manipulating you.

Questions your feelings

Nothing you do will be enough to show how you feel about him. At least that’s how it makes you feel. Manipulators generally don’t communicate their needs, they expect you to guess them.  It’s like a game, and unfortunately you can’t win. He always wants more from you, and when you can’t give him exactly what he needs, he will accuse you of not loving him enough. You see, he wants you to feel like no one else will love you like he does. It’s a smart tactic that makes you feel like you are obligated to stay in the relationship .

Gets angry when you’re busy

At first, you can see this as a good thing.  In fact, you are flattered that he wants to spend every minute of every day with you. But it can quickly turn into something that suffocates. You send messages text all the time. It calls you. Try to make plans with you. If you are busy or have made other plans, he becomes overly emotional and even makes you feel guilty.

Your “good boyfriend” is the type of person who throws a tantrum when he doesn’t get what he wants. The truth is that he is not loving or affectionate, he is trying to control you . In a way, he wants to make you feel like you are his “puppet” that he has control over. You like the idea that you have someone who is watching your every word. It’s not easy to accept that someone you love is manipulating you emotionally, but the only way to beat them at their own game is to walk away …

Elle Mcdonald

I am Elle Mcdonald Specializations in Psychology . Graduated in psychology from the University of Tennessee in 2000. Diploma of Advanced Studies in the Department of Personality, Evaluation and psychological treatments with excellent results.

First Level of Master in Clinical Psychology at the Center for Behavioral Therapists (recognized with a scientific-professional nature by the College of Psychologists)

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