Sometimes we all wonder to what extent our childhood can affect the way we will be as adults. This is what is known as attachment or need for attachment, some people think that this does not exist or does not have as much impact as some mental health experts say, however, this is not true. Childhood is a crucial part in the development of children , although most of us do not remember these years, what we live in our childhood is equal or more important than any experience that we can live as adults.

The human being is a social being, he needs other people and to form a bond of attachment with them, the first person with whom we create these bonds of attachment is with our parents, that is why the first experience with love What we have with them determines to a great extent what we will have with the rest of the people because this is the first source of love and understanding on which we place our expectations and desires .

However, attachment determines many other aspects of the personality of the person and now we will look at them more closely.

What is attachment?

Attachment is an affective process that is present throughout the life of the human being and that, the most decisive moment in which it is stable is in childhood . This bond will be the one that will establish the future relationships of couples , siblings, friends and other relationships that are created in the future of the person. This is essential since attachment will be what determines how a person acts in the face of abandonment and other negative emotions.

Once we are adults, these mental schemes can change according to each person’s life experiences, making it take on a more interpersonal form. However, affective relationships are not the only factor that can make these patterns change, this can also be achieved with therapy, which is why it is vitally important that a bond of trust be created with the psychologist that allows resignifying the figure of attachment, it could be said that the mental health professional will be a kind of healing tool.

The psychologist must work on the insecurity that the patient has, allowing him to have greater confidence in himself and therefore in his relationships by creating a secure attachment.

The link between oxytocin and attachment

From the beginning of pregnancy, oxytocin , the hormone of love and bonding , is secreted . This among many other functions, prepares the mother’s brain to “fall in love” with the baby. At the time of delivery is when oxytocin levels reach their highest point, just by looking at the baby, that hormone begins to secrete, generating in the mother a state of tranquility in which she remains speechless looking at her child.

From the beginning of the mother-child relationship, attachment begins to grow and this will be what determines the character and behavior of the child both in his childhood stage and when he becomes an adult.

Secure attachment

Securely attached children perceive their parents as trustworthy figures , whom they can turn to in case of a problem. People with this attachment experience a sense of satisfaction in their relationships with others, making their relationships with or after people healthy . Honesty and trust are the pillars on which these people build their relationships . This is the most common form of attachment.

Attachment worried or anxious

Children who present this link with their parents are not sure of having them available when they need help . This uncertainty makes them fearful and insecure . In cases where parents “threaten” abandonment as a reprimand for misbehavior , this can cause children to become more insecure. Often the adults who present this attachment are people who avoid expressing their feelings or developing it for fear of abandonment or the failure of that relationship .

Fearful or avoidant attachment

This attachment makes children think that any gesture of affection or affection they have with their parents will make their environment mock or despise them , which leads them to feel insecure, unprotected and to develop a self-sufficient behavior . In adults this is characterized by the deliberate search for loneliness and discomfort in personal relationships.

Disorganized attachment

These children have experienced threatening situations from their parents either because they have adopted negligent or abusive attitudes . This type of attachment generates deep consequences in the personality of these people and in the image of themselves that they have.