Any adult will have experienced a move at least once in their life at a difficult time. When extra emotional stress is added to a major life change such as a separation, divorce , death, or financial crisis, a move can be the breaking point if not done right.
The hard part is that many people in this situation have to move, rather than want to, for the reasons above. Feeling like they have no choice but to move, many feel their lives are out of control . If you find yourself in this situation, and you must move, then there are some tips you should consider to help you through this extremely difficult time. And remember, you’re not just moving into a new home, you’re moving into a new life … and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing!
Typically when someone is moving, they should ideally get rid of everything they haven’t used in the last year to minimize the amount of things they have to move. For people experiencing emotional trauma and a move, we suggest otherwise.
When emotions are involved, our personal things tend to comfort us and make us feel more secure, especially when life feels unsafe. Put away anything that helps you stay well. If you are having difficulty making a decision about whether to save something or not, save it and make the decision at a later time when you feel ready. The last word on this is: do what you have to do to get through and be better.
Try not to make hasty decisions
While it is good to listen to your feelings, throwing out the dishwasher because your ex-partner bought it for your anniversary may not make the most economical sense … although selling it may bring you more things. Before you throw out anything related to a bad memory (the opposite of the first tip), go back and consider if it’s something you really can’t live with. If you can’t, you really can’t get rid of it.
Don’t make these decisions out of spite. Usually those decisions end up being regretted. However, if you can’t bear to look at something because it evokes difficult emotions and you know that you would feel better if that object were out of your life, then by all means sell it, give it away, or throw it away.
Ask for help
Our pride can get in the way at times, making us feel like we should be able to handle the situation on our own. Moving is one of the hardest things you will ever do; moving to a new life is even more difficult. So, don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. The people around you often feel so helpless when they see you struggle that asking them to do something for you can not only help you, but can also make them feel useful. Everyone wins!
So if you need to do some chores, or need help packing or sorting things, or need a babysitter, ask your friends , family, and neighbors. If you are having difficulty making a decision about moving or about the choices you are about to make, talk to a friend or therapist, someone who has your best interest in mind. Professional help can be a much-needed support at times like this; they can help clarify your situation and help you make some tough decisions.
Be good to yourself
Starting a new life is emotionally and physically draining. Be good to yourself during this time. If you are tired, get a good night’s sleep; If you want alone time, give it to yourself. Go get your hair done, get a massage, or have some time to watch a movie or two, even if you feel like there’s a lot to do. By giving yourself what you need, you are allowing yourself to heal emotionally. Remember, if you are tired and exhausted, it is normal. It’s part of the process, so don’t be hard on yourself, ask for help and talk to someone. Take a deep breath, hug your children and think that life will improve … you will only need time