Friendships as well as relationships do not always go through good times , this is why sometimes it can happen that two good friends of ours get angry and that we find ourselves in the situation of having to become a mediator between them .
This is why from Bekia we have prepared an article with all the keys that you must follow to get your friends to solve their differences without falling into the attempt.
WHAT HAS BEEN THE REASON FOR THE CONFLICT?
If you really want to help your friends solve a problem, the first thing you should do as a mediator is to identify the real reason why the problem has arisen. For this, what you should do is go to the root of the conflict , that is, to your friends. Clearly each one will have a version of the events so listening to their point of view and each one explaining to you in detail what happened, will help you to find out not only about the conflict itself, but about the things they have done that your friends are upset or hurt by what happened.
It is important that you do not get carried away by third parties and that you draw your own conclusions for yourself, in order to have an opinion as objective as possible.
TALK TO THEM
This will be best done individually and taking into account the perspective of each one . The second thing you should do once you have found out everything that has happened is to know where your friends are emotionally . One may feel angry, angry, or frustrated while another may be sad, disappointed, or unwilling to fix what happened.
As a mediator, you should make them see that it is best for them to calm down , let time pass, and look at the situation with a slightly cooler perspective : Is the problem really that important? Do you really want to throw away years of friendship for this reason? Are you sure you don’t want to fix it?
The best thing you can do is plant a seed in both of them, the seed of reconciliation . If both are very angry because the conflict has been recent, it is best to wait for them to calm down and when they are, talk to them calmly to try to solve it.
MAKE THEM TALK TO THEM
Once the waters are calmer and you see that deep down both of you feel sorry for losing that friendship or being in that situation because of what has happened, what you should try is to talk to each other . In the end, the root of a problem between two people is the feelings, it is very likely that the conflict was not so great but that the feelings that have generated it are, probably one is hurt while the other is frustrated because not understand what has made the other person so serious.
This is why as a mediator you have to invite them to speak , without recriminating and without throwing things at their faces, what they should do is talk about their feelings : “What you have done has hurt me because I have felt used by you, maybe that was not your intention, but I have felt it this way “. “I was angry because I did not understand why you put yourself that way, I did not do it with that intention, you are my friend and I would never do something to make you feel bad.”
These are just examples, where we can see that we do not blame the other but what we have felt.
DO NOT TAKE A PARTY
It is likely that, if there is a conflict between two of your friends, with one of them you have a better relationship or harmony than with the other, but that should not be a reason for you to position yourself on one side or the other.
You must be a conciliator and peacemaker, not a destabilizing one, because if you take sides and your friends finally end up solving their differences, it is possible that the person who ends up being affected is yourself and that the stigma of shit haunts you during all your life, apart from the fact that the relationship with the other person will never be the same again.
DO NOT FORCE RECONCILIATION
Something that is totally counterproductive when trying to get two friends to resolve their differences is trying to force a reconciliation in a hurry. Nobody likes to see that two good friends of his are angry, and more if this means dividing or trying to meet one and the other without coinciding, but if there is something that we should not do , even if we can not bear the situation, it is to force a reconciliation .
Each person has their times, and the best thing for them to solve their conflicts is that they do it when they both want , do not try to create a situation in which both coincide, deceived to make them talk, since this will cause an uncomfortable situation and may make they get mad at you.
DO THEY WANT TO FIX THE SITUATION?
You should be aware that there are times when two people do not get along with each other , not all personalities are attracted and that also happens in friendship. It is possible that one of your friends does things that hurt another without realizing it, and that he is tired of the situation and does not want to continue the friendship because it does not benefit him. If this is the case, you must understand that the other person wants to get away.
However, it is possible that as soon as a conflict arises, people are at their worst and want to end the friendship because they are in a hot spot of anger. You must let time pass and talk to each of them. Ask them what it would take for them to solve their problems and if they want to do it . If the answer is that they have already advanced in the conflict.
MAKE THEM SEE THE GOOD IN YOUR FRIENDSHIP
It is normal that, during discussions, people only focus on the negative points , that is why it is necessary to remind them of the good and beautiful moments that their friendship has had.
Try, (without them being offended) to take iron out of the problems and make them see that the good moments win out the bad ones, so that they can remember why they are their friends and why they should not stop being so.
RESPECT THE FINAL DECISION
In the event that we have tried by all means to solve your conflicts and this has not been possible , the only thing left for us is to accept your decision and understand that not all people can be friends. Also try not to take sides and spend an equal time with each of them from now on.