There is research that shows that having ambivalent or toxic friendships are negative for the health of the people who suffer from them. Sometimes interactions with other people can be positive and suddenly they can be hostile or negative … this causes too much stress and makes an interpersonal relationship toxic . This is, in part, because you never fully relax when you are around these people, but you also don’t keep your guard fully protected, so you are more vulnerable when there is conflict. 

It is similar to chronic stress, where the body never fully recovers from the stress it experiences before being triggered by the next stressor it faces in life. Ultimately, it costs a lot to be emotionally well.

It has also been shown that when there is conflict in a relationship and stress has a clear negative impact on health, it also affects blood pressure and contributes to heart problems and other health conditions. This can be complicated for you from a psychological point of view, leaving you feeling drained and overwhelmed, less sure of yourself and how you cope in life.

This is why you must evaluate your relationships with others and identify people who may be negative for your life. The following action plan will help you minimize the stress of ambivalent relationships when you need it and thus have a better quality of life.

Step one: make a list

Make a list of the friends in your life, include all the people you consider to be your friends , including those who only have a relationship on social media, those you see regularly and all the people who may be in between. Add your family members and you should also include romantic partners, whether they are in your life now or if you think they could ever return again.

Second step: evaluate the relationship with that person

Circle the names of the people you know who are positive: those who support you when they are bad and who really share your joy when good things happen to you. After others, honestly evaluate the relationship to see if it is a benefit or a detriment to you. These questions can help you get an idea:

-Do you consider that this friendship is worth maintaining?

-Is she a person you would choose if you met her today? Have you been in the relationship out of habit?

-Does this person make you feel good about yourself? Do you feel uncomfortable when you are by his side?

-Is that friend competitive with you in a negative way?

-Do you like who you are when you are with them? Do you seem to bring out the worst in each other?

-Can you trust that person? Could you count on them if necessary? Could you share your feelings freely?

-Do you have common interests and values? Do you benefit if you have differences?

-Do you give the same as what you receive from that friendship or relationship?

-If you strive for that relationship, would it bring good things to your life?

After answering some of these questions, you should have a clearer idea of ​​whether this relationship is positive or negative for you. Circle the person’s name if you think the relationship is positive and supportive, or if possible, that they deserve an adequate amount of time and energy. Otherwise, cross out the name.

Step three: the final phase

Now you will have to focus on the relationships you have with the people whose names are circled, those who are crossed out … they are simply not a priority in your life, and you can take them out, they will make you feel better and have less emotional charges. Remember that relationships, when healthy and supportive, are worth the time and energy you put into them and give them the time they deserve. 

As for the crossed out names, you can decide if you want to continue sending them Christmas cards and maintain a friendly relationship when you see them by chance, or if you want to take a clean break in the relationship so as not to be too abrupt … But do not allow them to continue adding stress and negativity to your life . Reserve your energy for your true friends. Your time is money and you can’t waste it on just anyone. 

Elle Mcdonald

I am Elle Mcdonald Specializations in Psychology . Graduated in psychology from the University of Tennessee in 2000. Diploma of Advanced Studies in the Department of Personality, Evaluation and psychological treatments with excellent results.

First Level of Master in Clinical Psychology at the Center for Behavioral Therapists (recognized with a scientific-professional nature by the College of Psychologists)

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