When your partner is unfaithful to you, it may feel like the most painful tradition you will ever have to endure. A person to whom you have promised fidelity and also vice versa, has cheated on you with another person. This heartache may make you ask yourself questions like, “Will I ever get over his affair?” Or also: “How can I trust again?”

There is no answer, of course. Some people not only get over a breach of trust, they may even forge a stronger relationship afterward. Others separate due to a partner’s deception and never look back. 

It depends not only on the people involved but also on the severity of the situation: Was it a one-night stand on a business trip or a multi-year affair? Was there love involved or was a poor decision just made while drinking? And mainly, what is the definition of infidelity for each one?

The prospect of infidelity

The perspective of infidelity can be very different for people, depending on the education received first. Perhaps for a person, that his partner flirts with another is not infidelity or even if they have an open relationship that they have sex is not being unfaithful as long as his heart belongs to him. Instead, for other people, just looking at other people’s photos or risque text messages can be considered a betrayal.

In this sense, it would be appropriate for couples to do something that is not usually done. Ideally, a couple at the beginning of their relationship, sit down to talk about the relationship and what each one expects from it. Just as the tastes of the other such as music or hobbies are learned, it is good to know what an infidelity is for each one.

It is necessary to know what it is that would bother each of your partner in terms of an infidelity and above all, to differentiate what it is and what it is not in each case. Since infidelity is very relative and it depends on the criteria of each one who is considered infidelity or not. Unfortunately, that conversation usually only takes place, if it ever does, after some disturbance occurs.

The initial shock

Some people will get over their partner’s infidelity and others will never forgive him, but what happens to everyone is that they have an initial shock or discomfort when discovering the infidelity if they overcome it or when and if they will ever be able to trust another again person. If you want to continue with the relationship after an infidelity, you will need continuous work of trust on both sides.

The one who has broken trust must become absolutely trustworthy and transparent from then on: reveal what happened and why, for example, and what needs to change in the relationship so that it does not happen again. 

Is it necessary to redefine the agreement between the couple so that one or both have more freedom, more friends, more privacy? Can the one who went astray be more responsible for other agreements in your life together: arriving on time, doing what was promised, etc.? Trust must be rebuilt since it has been broken. As with re-glued porcelain, sometimes the glued break will be stronger than the original, but there will always be a defect in the original piece: the relationship.

Another common response to a partner’s breakdown of trust is “How could he do this to me?” . We can assure you that it is highly unlikely that someone who deviates from a monogamous arrangement is doing this to a partner.  They are doing it for themselves. The lust or desire is very uniquely focused in the moment. Remember that and it is unlikely that you will feel like a victim of circumstance.