I don’t want to have a stable partner, do I have a problem or is it just one more option?

Since we are little, we see in all the movies that the goal of our life should be to find prince charming, marry him, be happy and eat partridges. However, as we get older we find things that may interest us more: dedicate ourselves to studies, our vocation for work, our work in general or even traveling and seeing the world. But commitment reappears as an indispensable goal in our lives , either for ourselves or for our closest circle.

What single woman is not tired of hearing over and over again questions about whether we have a partner or some kind of relationship at family gatherings? And who says family, says within our own circle of friends as well. We reached our twenties and suddenly we were surrounded by friends in a stable relationship , or if not, those who were looking for a partner like crazy. And let’s not talk about the twenty-five because, horror, they all start talking about commitment and we do not stop receiving wedding invitations in which they ask us if we are going to go alone or with someone.

It is just then when the time comes to rethink what we want to do ourselves about this issue, and decide whether to stand up and start looking for a stable relationship or continue dedicating ourselves to anything else that makes us happy until the flame of love arises.

Is it a problem not wanting a stable partner?

Absolutely! Surely the answer from your grandmother or even your mother is different, but that’s what we are for, to tell ourselves that we are not obliged to look for anything that does not interest us or that we do not want. Right now there are many more options, dedicate yourself to making yourself happy! It is not bad not to have a partner, there will no longer be anyone who calls you ” spinster ” for being twenty-five or thirty years old and still enjoying your independence.

If you haven’t yet found someone you want to make a long-term commitment to, don’t do it! You will find it, and if you don’t, nothing would happen either as long as you dedicate yourself the time you need to be happy.

And what will they say?

Honestly, what difference does it make what they can say? It is your life and it is you who decides. People who really love you should understand. If you feel pressured, it is time to sit down with your closest family and explain that it bothers you that they insist on the subject, that right now you are not looking for anything stable and that you have other things to focus your time and attention on. Get excited! Tell them that you are more interested in that job promotion for which you are trying so hard , or that you prefer to achieve that goal that you have been pursuing for so long whatever it is.

With your friends it will be even easier, any day you can take advantage of a coffee to bring up the subject and explain that the issue of commitment is weighing you down a bit even when it is not yours because you feel that you are falling behind . They love you and they surely understand and support you, since they, better than anyone else, have lived all your love experiences with you and they know that you have not found the person or the right time. In addition, who knows, maybe someone more shy also confesses that the exact same thing is happening to her when she is still without a partner.

And are there more options?

Of course, there are more options, as many as you can imagine or as you can use. Maybe the problem is not the commitment but that you have not found your ideal type of relationship.

Have you heard of polyamory?

Although it may sound like Chinese to you, it is an increasingly common option within relationships . It comes from the idea of ​​free love, in which they explain that you do not need a better half to feel complete and that a partner is not a property, but someone to take care of and try to make happy while doing the same for you.

Basically, it raises diverse and different options to the prototype of the relationship that we find today. For example, through open relationships in which you can see yourself with other people (without ever neglecting your main relationship), have several partners at the same time or even that you are more than two people within the same emotional relationship.

Some people may be scared when they hear it , but it is a model of relationship as respectable as any other and with a single purpose: that the participants are happy and find stability that they have not had in other relationships. Each relationship is a completely different world and is uniquely tailored to the needs of the person in question.

Is polyamory the opposite of a stable relationship?

Not at all! Once you investigate this topic, you will find readings, films and testimonies of people who have lived in a polyamorous relationship for years. I personally have been fortunate to meet people who practice this type of love and you can certainly have a stable polyamorous relationship . There are even married couples with children who lead such a life perfectly, so the commitment can also be applied to this relational model.

However, these types of relationships do not suit everyone . If a person is insecure and jealous, maybe they should consider having a monogamous relationship instead of trying in this world, since jealousy is something that is working and erasing. And yet, once inside the polyamory, there is no single model , but each person looks for what best suits themselves.

So, don’t worry about not having a partner! It is not something necessary at all, and who knows, maybe you end up finding something that you like better and that makes you happier just when you were not looking for anything. Just focus on your personal development and everything else will come as it comes. 

Elle Mcdonald

I am Elle Mcdonald Specializations in Psychology . Graduated in psychology from the University of Tennessee in 2000. Diploma of Advanced Studies in the Department of Personality, Evaluation and psychological treatments with excellent results.

First Level of Master in Clinical Psychology at the Center for Behavioral Therapists (recognized with a scientific-professional nature by the College of Psychologists)

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