When we are a parent we worry a lot about the best way to educate our children. In relation to this, it is normal that many doubts arise , our duty to our son is to guide and teach them how to behave in society , transmit our values and make sure that they do not lack anything. However, sometimes this task can become a bit complicated when our child goes through a rebellious phase or has behavior that we do not know very well how to manage.
There are many psychiatrists and psychologists who have talked about how the education of our children should be so that they grow and develop in the best possible way , but the truth is that many times the education we give them is linked to the behavior that we give them. we have towards them and with the attitude they see from us. This is why in this article we are going to explore positive education , that is, education without punishment and how it can help our child in a much more positive way than the traditional education that we probably have had.
CONSEQUENCES OF PUNISHMENT ON CHILDREN
- Resentment : The child feels that the punishment imposed has been unfair or disproportionate and generates a certain resentment towards the person who has imposed it.
- Revenge : Resentment leads to revenge for the child, to want a certain revenge towards the person who has imposed the punishment, this may be not wanting to talk to that person or tell him things that he does not really feel like the already so typical “no longer I love you”.
- Rebellion : As the child sees that the behavior has been unfair , this can cause him to begin to manifest rebellious behavior.
- Withdrawal : This can lead to two aspects. On the one hand, the child can try to do what he has been punished for , but behind the back of his parents so that they do not catch him or that, on the other hand, the punishment has reduced his self-esteem. When a punishment is applied that infers personally on how the father or mother has been made to feel for the behavior that that child has had. Our son, due to his lack of mental maturity, may come to think that he is a bad person or that what he has done is an atrocity which leads him to acquire an obsessive need for his parents to approve what he does which will lead him to that in the future he becomes an influenceable person.
EDUCATE POSITIVE WITHOUT PUNISHMENT
We who are parents should try to change our mentality when it comes to educating our children. It is more than proven that negative punishments do more harm than good in the development of our children , which is why different psychologists have recommended positive education since the effects of this type of education give better results.
If as parents we only highlight everything that our child does wrong, the only thing we will achieve is that they feel frustrated and that you think that they do not meet the objectives that we have set for them. It is better to reward good behaviors than to ignore them and focus on the bad ones, but yes, always setting limits and making it clear that if they do something wrong they will not get any reward . For example, if they clean up their room they will be able to play video games if they do not do it that day they will not be able to use the console.
SET A FEW LIMITS
The most important thing when educating our son is that we set limits for him. Children must be clear about what they can and cannot do both at home and on the street or at school. We cannot not act in the face of bad behavior , but the punishments should not be a shouting match and much less physical punishment. Every father and mother knows perfectly what their child likes and does not like . If your child has done something wrong, you can take away a toy for that day until they apologize or fix the wrong they have done.
TEACH THEM TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS
One of the best ways you can get your child to realize that what he is doing is wrong is to make him apologize. This forgiveness must be sincere so we need them to understand that what they have done is not right. For example, if your child hits another child, you should make him understand that he has to apologize for what he has done.
DO NOT LOSE CONTROL
Sometimes our child can get us completely crazy and make us make decisions or behave in a much more exaggerated way to what has happened. This is why in these situations we must remain calm , breathe, calm down and count to 10 before doing or saying something that we may later regret.