Many people are afraid of abandonment problems because they were abandoned earlier in life in some way or another.  It may have been a previous relationship, but the source of the pain is likely in childhood. Childhood neglect, for example, such as having a parent or both parents not involved in a person’s childhood upbringing, can cause deep psychological problems.

The key is to recognize that there is a fear of abandonment. Here are some tips on how to manage your fear of abandonment problems so that you can lead to healthier and more satisfying relationships. If you follow these tips you will realize that you are worth a lot, that what happened to you in your childhood should not condition you and that you are worthy of love.

Recognize that you are worthy of love

The underlying emotional battle with almost everyone who is afraid of abandonment is their feeling that they are not worthy of having or enjoying love.  The fear of abandonment is probably due to the abandonment that occurred at some point during childhood and this has caused quite a deep psychological sequel.

It is possible that someone they were attached to abandoned them for whatever reason and then they felt that they did not have all the love they deserved. Children think that if a person loves them they would not abandon them and that therefore they were not loved because they were abandoned. Although this may not be true, a child’s mind works like this.

The children begin to wonder if they had some fault in their person that made them not liked. These thoughts can take root and grow into adulthood. The result is an adult who still feels that there is something about them that makes them unlovable. They often believe (unconsciously) that in a relationship they need to control things so that the person does not abandon them. They will try to control their relationships and those of others based on their fear of abandonment. So the first step is to recognize that we are ALWAYS worthy of love.

Accept that you are worthy of having love in your life

All people are worthy of love if they give their love to others. There is no perfect person but we all want to love and feel loved with our flaws and our virtues. You are also worthy of having love.

When you find a partner, you should remind yourself that you are worthy of that love and the attention you receive. It must be reciprocal to be healthy. Take care of the relationship and let them take care of you too. But don’t let the other person dominate your identity or be the center of your whole life, because then it will be a toxic relationship.

You must be emotionally self-sufficient

Your identity should never be linked solely to a friendship or relationship relationship. It is part of who you are but it does not define you. Make sure you understand and accept these thoughts and know that it may be okay if you were single or if that friend was not really a friend and had to leave your life. Do not base your worth on being part of a relationship, instead, you are worthy because you are YOU and no one else can be a better you.

Becoming emotionally self-reliant may not be easy if you have been emotionally dependent in your current or past relationships. Therapy can be helpful if you have a hard time being emotionally self-reliant.  Being emotionally emotional doesn’t happen instantly, so be kind to yourself in the process. Remind yourself once a day that you are responsible for your emotions and that you are an individual person even if you are in a relationship.

Remind yourself, as often as you need to, that someone else’s job is not to make you feel emotionally safe. Your emotional security comes first from you. Take ownership of your emotions and feelings.  When fear begins to emerge, address these feelings instead of turning them into unhealthy behaviors like jealousy, giving too much in the relationship, or worrying about the thoughts of your partner leaving you. To be emotionally self-sufficient you will have to take responsibility for your emotions and do it in a healthy way . You don’t need a person to make you feel safe. You must deal with your fears and handle it to understand yourself.

Understand your fears

When did the fear of abandonment begin? What happened in your life that made you feel this way? Were your fears at the time justified? Questions like these can help you understand where and when your fear started and how it is currently affecting you.

If you understand where and how they started, you can also begin to understand that they are not helping you right now.  In some cases, these fears can never be completely erased, but dealing with them by discovering the source and development of the fear can help dispel the fear when it arises. When you know that the root of this fear is the cause, fear is no longer useful in your life.

You can keep a journal to help you process these fears and emotions . If you can’t do it yourself, then find a therapist who will guide you to discover the root of your problem.

Remember that being afraid is being human. You may never completely eliminate your fear of abandonment, but you can control your reactions to fear.

Looking for a partner is not the solution

To deal with your fear of abandonment, you should stop looking for a partner as your solution. If you are afraid of being abandoned, you should not hold them accountable so that you feel safe.  You must stop controlling behaviors that are based on fear and feel the freedom to be yourself, accepting that you can receive love.

Again, you remember again the cause of those fears and how they are no longer necessary for your emotional health. In fact, holding onto those fears only gets in the way. Let go of the feelings that make you think that you are not worthy of love. Start by telling yourself that you are worthy. Self-talk can help you reestablish new ways of thinking when these fear-based thoughts of unworthiness enter your mind. 

Elle Mcdonald

I am Elle Mcdonald Specializations in Psychology . Graduated in psychology from the University of Tennessee in 2000. Diploma of Advanced Studies in the Department of Personality, Evaluation and psychological treatments with excellent results.

First Level of Master in Clinical Psychology at the Center for Behavioral Therapists (recognized with a scientific-professional nature by the College of Psychologists)

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