Saying that it is not something that most people perceive as common and logical, but for some it takes a great effort to want to look good with everyone, not to create a conflict or because of the guilt that this supposes. If you are within that group, at Bekia we tell you how to learn to say ‘no’ and what to do so as not to feel bad when you do.
You must set your own limits
This is not an easy task. Some people may find it uncomfortable and even anxious to have to go into a situation in which they want to say no and do not feel capable of doing so. Even so, you should know that it is something you have to work on to improve your personal relationships and feel good about yourself.
To say no , you have to be clear about what you want at that moment. Self-confidence is essential , you should be very satisfied with your behavior. Forget what others may think of you, always within reasonable limits. Do not feel selfish or be afraid that the other person may feel bad or get angry with you, thus generating a possible conflict, because your decision is just as respectable as that of the other person .
The nervousness and anxiety caused by saying that it does not happen as much to people who find it difficult to say it as to those who do not, to this first group to a greater extent than to the second. Therefore, accepting that discomfort as part of the process is essential to be able to cope with it.
However, do not let the discomfort dominate you because that will lead you to say ‘yes’ and you will believe that this will remove the problem from you, when it is not. Try to make a balance of the positive and negative consequences that the act of saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ will entail and think that it is what you are most compensated for. If you really want to say ‘no’, it is best not to think about it and say what you really feel in the moment.
Train the ‘no’ to sound convincing
One strategy to train to say ‘no’ is to stand in front of a mirror and think about situations in your daily life that involve you saying ‘no’. You will have to practice both verbal communication (the tone of voice and the way of saying it) and non-verbal communication (the facial expression and gestures), and you will have to decide yourself if it really sounds convincing. Remember that you must train an assertive communication style .
Think about the situations that cause you the most discomfort to deny yourself and start training your response to make it clear what you want to do. Try to give as few explanations as possible, especially if your decision is clear, as you will only cause others to try to convince you to do the opposite of what you want. Do not allow it, so the situation does not lead to a possible conflict.
To make it easier for you to deny a request, use simple responses directly . Think about the time you have available, that will help you think more about yourself and what is convenient for you, and above all, do not compromise if you cannot do it or do not agree with the request. Remember that you should not feel guilty at any time and you must be true to yourself .
The ability to say ‘no’ is closely related to your self-esteem , so if you are a person who has low self-esteem and little self-confidence, you will tend to give in and do what other people want by accepting the requests of others. Therefore, it is recommended that you evaluate the situation before giving an answer and avoid thinking about the possible conflicts that your answer may trigger. In short, think about yourself and what is best for you!