Not all friendships are good and like all relationships that do not go well, it is better to walk away than the relationship becomes toxic. When you make a new friendship, it is likely that you do not think about the future or that maybe that friendship will end one day. Sometimes it is inevitable that with time some friends will cease to be in your life, and this is totally normal. Not all friendships last a lifetime, although at some point you thought it would.
When someone wants to end a friendship, they are not sure how to do it. Unlike romantic relationships (which is known when it has been broken and is in or out of the relationship), with a friendship this is not entirely clear. This can lead to a certain book where you don’t want to be friends but don’t know how to get there.
Think about the reasons
There can be multiple reasons that make you see that you do not want to continue with a friendship but it is necessary that you have them very clear. So you can move forward in ending the friendship , without going backwards. Write down your feelings and thoughts in a journal without having to hide anything, and without having to talk about it with other people. The most important thing is that you do not talk about this with the person with whom you want to break the friendship until you have all this very clear in your mind.
Some reasons (which you should also write down in your journal) can be:
- You have different interests and you can’t get along
- The values you have are opposite to the values of your friend
- Your friend has become a toxic person in your life
- Has become a rival or is constantly envious of you
- He is a friend by habit but you do not enjoy being by his side
- Is a treacherous person
- Your lives have changed
There may be other reasons, but if you want to end a friendship you will have to know how to do it and improve your life.
What does not work
There are some useless ways to end a friendship, but there are some ways that it is better not to do them because they are not appropriate and they are not useful strategies … So they should be avoided:
- Cut to the chase
- Becoming hostile or aggressive
- Let other people do your dirty work for you
- End friendship by text message
What does work
There are other, healthier and more correct ways to end a friendship that may be more useful to you. In general, we can consider four healthy options when ending a friendship, and in some cases, you may need to use a combination of these strategies.
Leave contact progressively
It has to be gradual. This tactic is to let the friendship close naturally by gradually reducing social interaction with the other person. This is a good way to do it if you are afraid of confrontation or if the other person does not accept your decision (one-sided) or for toxic people.
This will avoid hurting someone else’s feelings. Instead of showing how you really feel, you will be too ‘busy’ to stay. You can send text messages instead of calling, disappear from the other person’s social networks, take time to get in touch, respond with short responses, etc.
In general, you are doing things that could naturally happen in a friendship that is fading, it ‘s just that you are choosing to do them intentionally to get out of the friendship.
Gradual fading or withdrawal is a good option if the friend is just an acquaintance, as in that situation it may seem awkward or strange to go over the reasons why you no longer want to be friends. If the other person is concerned or does not know what is happening, it is still a good idea to tell them what is happening. In case he is a toxic person or you just don’t care enough to explain him, you can also use this technique.
Hold a conversation
If you think the above technique is not appropriate for your situation or just doesn’t work, you should have the ‘talk’ with that person. It is not easy but it is necessary. This conversation can be the end of your friendship or it could even be a surprising way to work out your differences and fix the friendship.
The ideal is to meet in a public place where you can meet to talk quietly. Before seeing him, you will have to know everything you want to say, such as: ‘I have noticed that our friendship is not the same in recent months’. Talk about how you feel and not what the other person may have done wrong.
Take a break
You can also take a break from friendship just like some couples do in romantic relationships. This can have positive aspects:
- You can have a new perspective on friendship
- It gives you the opportunity to calm your emotions
- It gives you the opportunity to lose your friend if it is what you really want
- It gives you the opportunity to reflect on friendship
You can give him a multitude of reasons for that break, you can tell him that you are busy for several weeks, without giving more details than that. Set a date in the future to meet that person so you can know if you are really ready to continue the friendship or if you should cut it off for good.
End the friendship immediately
Sometimes it is impossible to avoid the chaos that accompanies the end of a friendship. If you are a toxic person or who does not respect the limits you are trying to set, you will have no choice but to do so. Tell him that friendship is not how you understand friendship and that you hope that he will find other friends in the future and that you wish him all the best.
It is a friendship breakdown that can be good and has no turning back. You can express feelings or problems that you have hidden, although it can be uncomfortable to confront yourself like this with another person. This is good for people you have known for a long time and you consider moral to say the last ‘goodbye’.