Sure, if you spend time on the internet or reading about topics of affective-sexual relations recently you have heard of terms you did not know: demisexualidad, pansexuality, grisexualidad, asexuality , alosexualidad, polysexuality, antrosexualidad, etc . In truth, we mix them all but they fall into different types of classifications, some terms being compatible with others (you can be demisexual and heterosexual, for example). And different kinds of attractions come into play for other people, be it sexual, romantic, intellectual , or of any kind. In short, the possibilities of wanting to bond with another person beyond friendship are many.

This type of affective-sexual differentiation that younger generations are teaching as they develop and socialize in more diverse settings, brings different opinions. The reaction of many people is to see it as “an exaggeration” or to believe that today everything is labeled in an attempt to want to differentiate ourselves more from others. It is common that when faced with the new, especially what has to do with youth, it is discredited or blamed on fashions. However, we have a lot to learn, especially on issues of affective-sexual diversity , a topic that has not yet been explored very much, and these new ways of identifying also have a positive side. Let’s briefly explore the pros and cons of labeling our affective-sexual orientation in this way.

Disadvantages: a new phase of individualism?

We are, in a trend marked for decades, at a time where we seek, or are expected of us, to differentiate ourselves from other people through consumption, job competition or our identity in social networks. It is not surprising that this also expands in the sexual field.

The question is, what are the consequences of creating new categories, independent of what is heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality, in the balance between what is proper and what is common? The biggest threat he is posing, at the moment, is to question the model of heteronormativity and the establishment of sexual relations of only one type.

The second negative point that it could have would be the possible limitation of our conception of our own sexuality . The reasons why a person is attracted to one sex or gender or another, or neither, are not known. Regarding the conditions under which we develop a type of sexual and / or affective attraction, either. So, can tagging our attraction keep us from trying to explore others?That sometimes we pay more attention to what we think is our own than to the feelings we are developing? Can the kinds of people or situations to which we are drawn change throughout our lives? Does the type of attraction vary? Thus, perhaps we could be constructing our sexuality from that label, and think that some situations in which we may be feeling sexual attraction, we think that we are confusing the feeling.

Finally, labeling too many behaviors can also lead to seeing them as outside the norm, when in truth the norm should be diversity itself, and that all kinds of conditions enter into it. The consequence of putting a name to everything is that one begins to look for a differential root among all people, and to give it a static character, as we do with personality, when we do not know why some people have some sexual responses or others.

Pros: I’ve finally found my site

One of the main advantages of having a wide range of labels on which to place our sexuality or affectivity is that many people can live it fully without feeling like “weirdos”. As it is always said, “what is not named does not exist”, and if your way of being “does not exist”, then you think you are not a normal person . So, let’s imagine how people lived their asexuality when it was not considered as a possible option, that is, until a few years ago. Finding that so many people share your orientation to the point that there is a category for it changes your life, and it is an advance that we now consider as normal and possible all these possibilities of living affective and / or sexual relationships.

On the other hand, another advantage is that the model considered “normal” of how affective and sexual relationships should be established is challenged. What is the same thing, that you have sex with a person as soon as you meet them, that we wait for some dates, that we establish a relationship …? When does a woman go from being a “slight” or a “slut” to being a “tight”? Because I am a boy, should I want to have sex with all possible girls? In truth, society establishes what is desirable and what is not, placing us in incompatible rules in what our family, our friends and what we want tells us. My friends may make me believe that having sex when meeting a person is what is expected of usSo if I need to previously establish a strong emotional connection with that person, believe me to be an excessive romantic or romantic. But now that person knows that this way she has of starting a relationship with someone is normal, it is hers, and that of many people: she is demisexual. And with that word she already feels that no one has the right to question her.

In this way, language could be helping us to be more free , to accept as we are, and to question social norms that are nothing more than customs that change over time.

conclusion

Ultimately, taking into account the good and bad parts, what we must conclude is one thing: we must not be afraid to explore our sexuality, reflect on it, question what we thought we were, not jump to conclusions, nor worry. why kind of sexuality is ours. The time will come when, through living multiple experiences, we find the most stable trend in our possible sexual or affective attraction . What’s more, even people who don’t fit into a specific category have a category for themselves: antrosexuality. Don’t be afraid to use one label or another, or to change over time.

And, above all, that no one question our orientation or the conditions under which we want to establish a relationship if it is healthy, free and accepted by both parties. We could even include polyamory in this topic, which helps people with a specific idea of ​​living romantic relationships to find like-minded people. 

Elle Mcdonald

I am Elle Mcdonald Specializations in Psychology . Graduated in psychology from the University of Tennessee in 2000. Diploma of Advanced Studies in the Department of Personality, Evaluation and psychological treatments with excellent results.

First Level of Master in Clinical Psychology at the Center for Behavioral Therapists (recognized with a scientific-professional nature by the College of Psychologists)

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