The fear of commitment arises from the fear of suffering and being hurt. People who have had a serious and stable relationship for many years and it has ended in disaster fear that this situation will happen again , and they create a barrier in which they protect themselves against pain.

Thus, the fear of commitment is the fear of getting involved in love and not being reciprocated, the fear of feeling pressured, the fear of not being able to give what the other person demands or the fear of not being up to the task. . One of the people who make up the couple usually demands more involvement due to the fear of being abandoned, and the other, faced with this demand, responds with resistance to surrender for fear that their personal space will be totally invaded.

How does the fear of commitment appear?

The fear of commitment is originated by a set of insecurities on the part of one of the people who make up the couple, and this in turn makes the other person feel pressured and other fears originate that causes the couple to distance themselves considerably. .

Therefore, a vicious circle is created that can lead to a crisis in the couple, and even a breakup. Therefore, without understanding between one and the other, it is impossible to overcome those insecurities and fears, and without understanding what really happens, things can happen that neither of them want to happen.

Without understanding what can happen to the other person, what a part of the couple does out of fear of abandonment, can be misinterpreted as manipulation , by doing only what the other person wants and what does not cause any discussion as a couple. Thus, another fear is caused in the other part of the couple, the fear of ceasing to be oneself because of being at the mercy of the other person .

Communication at this point is essential . You have to make it clear what fears you want to overcome, and put all possible solutions on the table taking into account the needs of each one so that the couple can get out of the pothole and direct the relationship towards new beginnings. For this, the couple has to open up both for themselves and for the other, and trust that the other person can understand and help in any way they can.

How to overcome it?

Psychological help is essential to overcome the fear of commitment . You must let yourself be helped by a good professional who understands you and knows where the problem really comes from in order to solve it as soon as possible. Do not be afraid to open up and say what you think or what you feel, no one is going to judge you. It is a more common problem than you think that affects many people.

People who are afraid of commitment often behave in the same way. Therefore, a professional will know how to help you identify the problem based on your behavior, thoughts and feelings . The psychological treatment you undergo must be innovative, effective and, if possible, as brief as possible. The objective of it will be to find the origin of the fear of commitment and work with irrational beliefs or traumatic emotional experiences that prevent you from maintaining a stable relationship due to fear.

Thus, psychological help will help you to trust your partner and yourself, feel safe in your relationship, not be afraid of love and commitment, improve self-confidence, increase your self-esteem , maintain healthy and non-toxic relationships and knowing how to lead a relationship while enjoying your autonomy and personal freedom. 

Elle Mcdonald

I am Elle Mcdonald Specializations in Psychology . Graduated in psychology from the University of Tennessee in 2000. Diploma of Advanced Studies in the Department of Personality, Evaluation and psychological treatments with excellent results.

First Level of Master in Clinical Psychology at the Center for Behavioral Therapists (recognized with a scientific-professional nature by the College of Psychologists)

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