We do not see things as they really are, we see them according to how we are. How we evaluate others is not just a function of their objective characteristics; it is also a reflection of our point of view, which is shaped by our life experiences, goals, and values, as well as our hidden desires and fears . The things that we criticize and praise the most in others tell us not only about themselves, but also about ourselves, sometimes in ways that don’t expect you.

Connection between social judgment and the self

See the pink people

If you see people through rose-colored glasses, you can be kind , warm, and empathetic. Perhaps not surprisingly, nice people are more likely to view others positively, focusing on their good qualities and giving them the benefit of the doubt when they misbehave. 

Within this point we find the ‘Pollyanna myth’. The idea that nice people are blinded by your positive outlook. People who are very nice can recognize and reject harmful behavior, making them less likely to display this type of behavior. They strive to be better people and for this reason they are happier in their relationships and feel more satisfied with life.

Although “not everything is rosy” … There may also be disadvantages within this point, such as refusing to express concerns about toxic behavior for fear of hurting others, something that can generate emotional stress for not expressing feelings when something that others do affects us directly. To be truly kind, you have to treat others with empathy, but also with assertiveness.

If you can’t stand narcissists

If you cannot stand narcissists, it is unlikely that you are one of them, although if they do not bother you then it is likely that you also have narcissistic characteristics . Narcissistic personalities are often critical of people who are modest or humble. People tend to like people who are similar to us. A narcissistic person may see others as like-minded people which will make them respect dominant personalities.

If you judge others just for behavior

If you tend to judge others only for a behavior that you do not like, you may have a confident personality with a lot of autonomy as well as internal motivation. Instead, people who do not link behavior and personality strongly are usually people who emphasize social roles and context. They try to understand why a person acts in a certain way at a certain moment.

Normally people are usually in an intermediate point and can see the behavior influenced by personality traits of the person but also by the situations that they have had to live.

If you don’t like someone and you don’t know why

It has happened to all of us, we do not like someone and we do not even know why, but just looking at them generates repulsion or rejection. It could be because you are envious or threatened by their success. There are many reasons why you may feel rejected by other people, but when the level of contempt is disproportionate or there is offensive behavior, it may be that there is something else.

Although you may not want to admit it, these feelings may stem from a resentment for parrots or other people’s fortunes. People often feel threatened by the success of others and respond by pleading with that person or trying to hurt them emotionally. When your self-esteem is threatened and simply giving a negative thought can temporarily increase your self-esteem … although in reality it is not.

If you criticize those who have a different lifestyle than yours

Sometimes what is not known is criticized for ignorance or for not accepting that people can be different from each other and be happy as well. We all want to feel good in life and if we see others who thrive in situations other than ours we can feel uncomfortable and cognitive dissonance can appear.

The mind can cope with this feeling through normative idealization where we see our own state as the ideal for others and seeing those who do not conform to our way of thinking makes us see them in a negative way. Normative idealization can affect people’s behavior , behaving differently with those who consider that their lifestyle does not fit with a good lifestyle, this can generate discrimination between people.

There is nothing wrong with having your own thought about yourself or others, but it is important to bear in mind that what you think of others will be speaking more of you than of others. It’s never welcome to put others down just because they don’t fit your ideals … If you do, it’s because you’re not being totally honest with yourself in some way. You may be self-delusional, in emotional pain, and do it to avoid suffering that you are not ready to endure.

It is beneficial to accept the reality that all paths, yours and anyone’s, can have ups and downs, that the people who differ the most benefit each other. Life has obstacles for everyone, and you can’t judge without stepping into their shoes.

These are some of the ways in which social judgments are shaped by individual characteristics. It is necessary to be aware of this in order to have self-awareness and also to help you detect possible biases and adjust your judgments accordingly and taking reality into account. The moment you work on your self-esteem and love yourself more … you will not have the need to speak or think badly of others.