Much of the personality of people is defined by the way in which we relate to others. Controlling people tend to go unnoticed at the beginning of their relationships , this is because as they begin to gain more confidence their controlling traits begin to come to light but for the other person it is usually too late and the fact of having entered a toxic spiral prevents you from seeing that the other person is a controller.

The most problematic facet of these people is usually that it limits the freedom of the rest , in this article we will see what are the most characteristic aspects of this class of people and how to detect them in time to get out of them and that is if you detect that you have a person so close to you the best thing is that you take them out of your life since these people do not contribute absolutely anything good. Likewise, if you see that a friend or relative has this kind of behavior and you want to help them, you have to let them know so they can change and stop having these toxic attitudes .


Controlling people usually try to hide the way they exercise their control from the other person, the way they usually do it is by using paternalistic language . For this they tend to be conciliatory, offering to help us, make decisions for us and even do so in an aggressive way, criticizing us for the decisions we make, verbally attacking us, telling us that we are stupid, that we do not have personality simply because of not having had them in. counts when making a decision or making the decision that they don’t like.


This may be a cliché, but it is totally true, the more social life a person has, the more likely they are to get out of a toxic relationship. This is why controlling people try by all means to isolate you from all your loved ones , so that you do not have the opinion of the outside and that you find yourself in a situation in which you believe that that person is the only one who you have in your life and that without him or her you will not be able to continue.

This usually occurs in couple relationships and is considered psychological abuse and an indication that you are in a toxic relationship.


Controlling people usually look for their partner to support them unconditionally in everything they do. This search for acceptance begins very early, at the beginning of the relationship, at first it is usually with small nonsense, but then they move on to more serious issues . For example, at first you usually find that you dislike the same things that he or she does, a movie, a meal, a brand, anything unimportant, but then this behavior can happen to adults and you can stop being friends with a person he or she does not like.

Starting with small things, what is guaranteed is that when they seek support from you about something more serious, they will have it, since if this were not the case, it could cause a problem in the relationship, in the trust between the two and could even cause a fight. .


If you are with a controlling person, it is possible that the moments that you are alone or without interacting with him or her are very few . These people look for any excuse to know what you are doing , who you are talking to, where you are or what are the decisions you want to make.


A sign that you are with a controlling person is that these people often use emotional blackmail : if you do not do this you will disappoint me, I will be sad etc … these individuals may even threaten to want to take your life if you are not with them or if you are not you do what they want. It is frequent that they try to convince you to do things by appealing to a common good, “it is the best for all”, “this will benefit us both”, etc … You have to be very careful when you have reached this point with someone .


These types of people often act as if they know the essence of everyone . They tend to tell you what is best for you and that it is convenient for you regardless of what you think , the reasoning you have come to or the advice that other people have given you, in fact, in the face of other people’s opinions, they usually respond as If they knew more than you: that person does not suit you, does not give me good feelings, there is something bad inside him or her etc …

Elle Mcdonald

I am Elle Mcdonald Specializations in Psychology . Graduated in psychology from the University of Tennessee in 2000. Diploma of Advanced Studies in the Department of Personality, Evaluation and psychological treatments with excellent results.

First Level of Master in Clinical Psychology at the Center for Behavioral Therapists (recognized with a scientific-professional nature by the College of Psychologists)

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