Does the possibility of spending even a moment without someone by your side anguish you? It is very likely that you suffer from anuptaphobia or the fear of being single.
The fact of not having a romantic partner can be seen by many people as the worst thing that can happen in life . Being single is actually a good thing for your health because it allows you to have a personal space for growth and self-reflection, as well as leaving space and time to enjoy friends and other more individual activities such as having a lazy afternoon without anyone bothering you . But this positive outlook can be hard to see for someone who has an irrational aversion to being alone that makes him perceive singleness as a one-way ticket to utter misery.
But even when a person addicted to love is in a romantic relationship, they tend to allow their fear of being alone or alone to sabotage their relationships . It is not something that he does on purpose but he cannot control it because he gives more importance to his sentimental status than to the quality of his partners.
Specialists assure that this condition is part of a social phobia that goes back to a triggering event in childhood or a traumatic event. However, it is a psychological condition caused by numerous factors , including cultural factors.
In fact, these thoughts come from long ago since at any time in the past marriage was a sign of success while singleness meant a social failure . Today there is a generation that has grown up with social media and we have created a culture that is not supportive of relationships but still upholds the outdated expectations of marriage. That is, we cannot feel complete without another person, but we also do not know how to be together.
Men and women who suffer from anuptaphobia feel helpless and defeated even though they are capable and intelligent people . They are unable to conceive that they can have happy lives without a partner. They are hampered by the phobia that this single state lasts forever.
Characteristics of people suffering from anuptaphobia
You stay in relationships that don’t work
People with anuptaphobia tend to try to have relationships that they should break. They look for a partner for the simple fact of having a partner, not for any other reason, therefore they settle for relationships and people instead of striving to find partners that satisfy them . They are so afraid of being single that they will formalize a romantic relationship with a person they do not even really like.
It is also possible that your partner is not good to you but that you still prefer to maintain that toxic relationship than stay single . You are aware of the things that you should not tolerate or accept as good, but you accept or justify them out of fear of being alone.
Even if you break up with your current partner, you tend to focus more on finding a “replacement” than on recovering from that breakup . Therefore, you will stay with a person who wants to be with you even though you don’t really want to be with that person to have a romantic relationship. In fact, even if the people closest to you tell you that this new conquest does not suit you, you will think that what happens is that they do not want to see you happy.
You lose yourself in the relationship
When you get seriously involved in a relationship, you completely lose your sense of “me.” You change your way of being and thinking to fit in as perfectly as possible with the person you start dating, so you end up eating things you don’t like, watching series and movies that you don’t enjoy or even changing the way you dress alone to please your partner.
It is true that having things in common has its advantages, but being too perfect or perfect also has its drawbacks . If your partner likes you for who you are, it is possible that your codependency and your desire to like him even more end up pushing him back. So the best and most obvious advice is to always be yourself, if a person is with you it is precisely because of you, so do not change for anyone because that could lead you to the worst case scenario for an anuptaphobic: singleness.
You think obsessively about love and the future
In your single days you feel incomplete or incomplete, and that state hurts. You feel an existential emptiness that causes you fear, dread. You feel as if you live with an open wound that you do not know where it is but you feel it, that is the wound that you think the missing half has left. Socially you feel like a failure and you create paranoid delusions in your head because you think you are single because you are useless. If you are alone it is because you have nothing to offer to others.
Your mind is always so preoccupied with outdated concepts like “the perfect life” and “happily ever after” that you are not even able to see how good your current real life is. You obsess over things that are out of your control, creating delusions and fantasies of a life that surpasses any fictional romantic story.
In this way, you forget to look around you and enjoy your real life because you become obsessed with those things that you do not possess and that you cannot control. Therefore, if you are more busy creating an imaginary ideal partner, you will not be able to recognize the man or woman in your life even if you have him in front of you.
This obsession with the future makes you give too much importance to things. You analyze every detail, every encounter, every sentence, every message, in order to speculate and fantasize about the reasons for everything. As one would say colloquially, ” you make your own movies “, and all your conclusions are probably not out of your head.
You take first dates too hard
During the first few dates, you may get overly excited and do things that scare your suitor, such as talking too much, asking overly intrusive questions, or ignoring the other person’s physical limits. This can make you look like a person anxious about being in an overly serious relationship who overlooks the earlier stages of dating that are usually a bit more shy and hesitant.
You can’t be alone
The thought of being alone for a long time gets on your nerves. You do not understand people who enjoy moments of solitude and that is because it makes a world for you to stay alone or alone at home. The downside of this is that you will fill your void with people you do not like, not only in romantic matters but also in terms of friendships.
The truth is that you do not even consider getting used to your own presence because you trust that you will always have someone by your side, your soulmate, and you do not consider the possibility of being alone because you do not want that possibility, you reject it directly.
In short, anuptaphobia is really a problem for those who suffer from it because their irrational fear makes them question their entire world and modify it depending on who they are with . I know that is easier said than done, but being single is a very beneficial state for anyone since being alone can help you to know and value yourself as you are , with your good and not so good things. Learning to be alone may be just what you need to develop a healthier relationship with yourself. Only time can help you appreciate who you really are, and this will benefit you when it comes to finding someone compatible with whom you can have a lasting relationship because they will value you for who you are and not for who you want to be.