As children grow older, they tend to withdraw considerably from their parents as they become adolescents and need much more space to be autonomous and have more independence . As a parent, you shouldn’t be scared. It is something normal that little by little is going to happen, and you have to let everything flow so that the relationship with your child does not spoil.

You must bear in mind that this distance that occurs between parents and children is permissive if the reason is the growth and development of the person. If the distancing is caused by a toxic relationship between the two parties or other types of problems, then it is something that you have to face and you cannot let it go. At Bekia we tell you how you can cope with this situation in the best possible way.

Your attachment figure

Since your little one was a baby, you as a father or mother have been his attachment figure, that is, you were the person he could count on unconditionally day and night . You were his hero, his idol, his role model.

You must accept that your duty was to guide him along the way, to teach him how he should do things with respect, head and responsibility. However, now, at this age when your child begins to become an adult, he must fly from that nest in which you have cared for him throughout his life and prepared him for it.

Thus, from this moment on, the family will remain in the background (being their secondary attachment figure), while their primary attachment figure will begin to be their adolescent friends , those who will influence their behavior, their decision-making. decisions and, ultimately, in your day to day.

From this moment, he will move further away from you and begin to get closer to his peers, he will tell them all kinds of things and he will begin to hide information from you. But above all, you should not worry! It is something normal and natural all this that is happening, you must take it in the best possible way, and above all, do not try to avoid it because otherwise your child will feel rejection towards you because he will consider that you are not leaving him the space and the distance he needs to achieve their independence.

You have the responsibility to allow that distance

The teenagers are going through a period in which they are becoming adults. Like any adult, they will need their space to find themselves, they will begin to run into responsibilities that they did not have before, and they will want to solve their problems on their own. Parents with teenage children will have to assume this as soon as possible.

Keep in mind that it is very good for your child to learn all these kinds of things. There will come a time when you know how to solve all kinds of problems without the help of mom and dad. It may be tough, but it is the best solution. The more you want to keep him and have him close to you, the more you will push him away and the more he will lean on his friends , because he will feel that they are the ones who truly understand him, while you do not give him the independence he needs.

Thus, we advise you to approach him through his tastes and preferences . Know their musical interests, try to find out which social networks they move to meet their friends and their hobbies. In this way, from a distance you can advise and guide him in everything he needs. Of course, we recommend that you do not advise him on a topic seen on social networks unless he asks you, because he will think that you are violating his privacy and he will feel offended.

Take the distance as one more stage

If you have always had a good relationship with your children, this stage in adolescence should be seen as something temporary and not lasting , something not very long term that will end up happening, but while it is there, you must cope with it in the best possible way. much that hurts.

At this stage, trust is essential . Questions will haunt your head such as: Where will he be? Who will he be with? What will he be doing? And you will be very afraid to know if something has happened to him. But you must trust so much in the how in the education that you have given him, you must trust the person he has become with all the values ​​that he has acquired along the way. Everything will pass, and in time, that son who wanted so much independence will return to you.

It always helps a lot to think like you were when you were their age. Didn’t you want your parents to trust you? Didn’t you want space for yourself, to interact with others?

If you really know your child and have an idea of ​​what the friends around them are like, then don’t worry. It also helps a lot to know the parents of your best friends , they can be a great support for you and you a great support for them, you will both be going through the same thing and you can help and support each other. 

Elle Mcdonald

I am Elle Mcdonald Specializations in Psychology . Graduated in psychology from the University of Tennessee in 2000. Diploma of Advanced Studies in the Department of Personality, Evaluation and psychological treatments with excellent results.

First Level of Master in Clinical Psychology at the Center for Behavioral Therapists (recognized with a scientific-professional nature by the College of Psychologists)

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